Home Chat General Chat

great lies to tell my rookie bro

risris Posts: 1,002
we did something like this at the 'other place' forum, but it was a while ago and my need is more pressing now!

i'm racing my brother at leeds sprint in 10days. i've done half-a-dozen races or so but this is his first. normally i'm not a competitive sort - i like racing, i like beating my target times, but i'm not going to win anything so i don't care much what the other riders and runners do.

until now.

my bro is younger than me. he's a better footballer and cricketer than me. he's better looking than me. last week he got his degree which was better than mine. i have no intention of letting the little beggar beat me at tri, but suspect that his running in particular is way better than mine.

i need an edge. i need to cheat. he's pretty gullible so if i tell him it's important to eat bread rolls every mile on the bike i think he'll do it.

so, what bits of wrong advice could the 220 masses suggest that could give me that vital winning margin against him...?

so far i have - shower and full change of clothes between each discipline.


  • jonEjonE Posts: 1,113
    The best energy drink to use is standard Lucozade,for both the bike and run,and should be drunk at each transition,over a sprint distance at least 2 litres should be consumed.

    Wear full cycling kit,for the swim,and to ensure muscle stability compression socks should be put on T1.

    As your younger brother he should respect his elders and let them win.

    If it is OW,you could always superglue his wetsuit zip shut.
  • willieverfinishwillieverfinish Posts: 1,381
    * Tell him to lock his bike up in T1 so no one nicks it. Remember to put the keys some where safe.
  • risris Posts: 1,002
    willieverfinish wrote:
    * Tell him to lock his bike up in T1 so no one nicks it. Remember to put the keys some where safe.
    nice idea. maybe i should suggest his car.

    or my saddlebag and hope i am out of the water ahead of him
  • TRIumphantTRIumphant Posts: 850
    Let him clip his shoes onto his bike for a quick mount in T1, but rather than use elastic bands, recommend zip/cable ties, that should do him
  • md6md6 Posts: 969
    i agree lock the bike in transition so no one steals it. Tell him he should only wear swimming trunks for a sprint so he gets saddle sore. Also don't wear a tri suit then he has to put on a nice tight compression top in T1 and it's much quicker to put his socks on in T1, and gloves, and to take a gel every 15 mins on the bike, the more the better
  • md6md6 Posts: 969
    tell him he isn't allowed to over take unless he has pulled up to the back of someone and dropped off 3 times first - thus proving he has the speed to pass successfully
  • ZacniciZacnici Posts: 1,385
    'Helpfully' suggest that he puts a couple of stitcthes in the zip of tri suit when fully zipped up to stop it coming down in the swim; of course you completely forgot to tell him to do this 'after' he has had his 3rd poo of the morning before he starts.

    Swimming in cycle shoes saves time in T1

    Running in cycle shoes saves time in T2
  • ZacniciZacnici Posts: 1,385
    Assos cream is just a marketing ploy, 'real' cyclists use Ralgex.
  • AvoneerAvoneer Posts: 174
    Zacnici wrote:
    Assos cream is just a marketing ploy, 'real' cyclists use Ralgex.
    Evil....but funny.

    Tell him at the end of each length, he has to jump out of the pool and touch the wall or the length doesn't count.

  • shadowone1shadowone1 Posts: 1,408
    If he has cycling shorts tell him that these are the best thing to wear in the pool. The chamosis pad will then be like a big heavy sponge then tell him that once he's out the water to stay nice and warm that the ideal thing to wear is a compression top..... good luck getting that on when's wet.
  • risris Posts: 1,002
    i could tell him that the extra water in the chamois will help cool him.

    i really like the compression top in t1 - he could be there a while. maybe i should suggest compression socks as well.

    i'm wondering if i can properly scare him about drafting, if someone passes you then you need to drop back until they are barely visible, that sort of thing.
  • TesseractTesseract Posts: 280
    Tell him you can't draft in swimming, it's the same 3 lengths rule.

    Tell him the best cycling form is to use a really heavy gear and slow cadence (would only work if he hasn't read any mags/ books/ websites).

    Do the whole event in normal cycling shorts - not just the extra weight of the water, the chaffing he'll be running like a cowboy.
  • sonofsammosonofsammo Posts: 191
    Depends how evil you're feeling:
    1. You can only touch your helmet after you've unracked your bike.
    2. You don't have to go all the way round roundabouts - you can just cut across when they're marshalled
    3. 200g of Liquorice is the ideal pre-race fuel after Prune juice and dates (perfect when used in addition to Zacnici's stitch idea).
    4. If there's a Bike marshall near you, you must ride within 5 foot of the cyclist in front.
    5. Must drink at least 3 litres pre-race to ensure appopriate hydration.

  • diddsdidds Posts: 655
    tactics: if he drops a chain, ATTACK!

  • Undo the bolt thing that holds the wheel on, so when he takes it off the rack his wheel comes off.
    bolt thing = sorry..Im tired...cant think of its name
    You can tell him to check ALL his nuts next time!
  • SilverbackSilverback Posts: 131
    Tell him its standard practice before the swim to glue fingers together to create a webbed effect. Then be ready with the camera in T1 as his wetsuit becomes a straitjacket...
  • risris Posts: 1,002
    cantdoitbutwilltri wrote:
    Undo the bolt thing that holds the wheel on, so when he takes it off the rack his wheel comes off.
    bolt thing = sorry..Im tired...cant think of its name
    You can tell him to check ALL his nuts next time!
    nice one! i could slack off the seat post clamp so that as the race continues the saddle gets lower and lower until he is riding it knees-out clown style. should slow him a bit.

    i could tell him that normal tyre pressures are 90-100psi, but for tri you want the extra absorption to compensate for the lack of bike short padding and need to run them at 50-60. if it doesn't slow him down then the ride wil be awful and pnuctures more likely!
  • jonEjonE Posts: 1,113
    Remove his seat post and fill his frame with sand/cement.replace seat post and tell him the bike only seems heavier due to pre race nerves.

    What if he wins despite all your shenanigans?
  • risris Posts: 1,002
    i'll do all the things to my own bike/set up and assume it will make me faster!
  • ZacniciZacnici Posts: 1,385
    John.E - evil - but brilliant

    I know, I know ... put Mercury in his tyres, that will have him fighting all over the place with accelerating, decelerating, cornering.
  • No goggles are allowed in the swim in real competition - its an unfair advantage so dont bother packing them.

    Tell him that everytime someone passes him on the bike it is customary to try and 'high-five' them.

    i like the locking the bike in t1 idea!
  • risris Posts: 1,002
    i fear that i could be close to a fall - most of the last week has been training-free due to some sort of food poisoning. this is either tri-karma for my work in this thread, or my bro is far more devious that i could possibly imagine.

    he lives 250miles away so i think it is the first one. the tri-gods clearly have turned on me for my wickedness.
  • ZacniciZacnici Posts: 1,385
    So come on Ris, what was the result of all this Machiavellian planning?
  • risris Posts: 1,002
    we had a really good race together and i pipped him by a short head at the finish line.

    he was working the evening before so i packed the bikes into the car, got all the stuff ready and all he needed to do was get up and be driven there. i spent the day fettling both bikes, checking tyres, spare tubes, brakes and gears so that hopefully no mechanical did for us. no sabotage though.

    up at 5.50, checked he was awake, too. light brekky and then once ready i loaded my 3yo daughter in the car (daddy, why are we going outside? i don't have any shoes on...) and we headed off to leeds. got there with an hour to spare before his start time (8.25), and got registered and set him up in transition. i wasn't off until 10.25 so i had loads of time to kill.

    my dad and his wife showed at about 8 and took over the child care while i set myself up and then we all went to watch him start in the pool, before walking round to the swim exit which was close to transtion. he was out in about 10mins, and then out on the bike. he was back in about an hour and headed out onto the run. not long after that i had to go for my briefing and i missed him finish he had done it in 1:45 or so, and he was pretty knacked, but really happy to have made it round.

    the family watched my start, i was third in the lane, and happy to draft off feet for 10 laps, when i was ushered to the front for the final few. swim, including run to t1, was 7:13, which was ok. i was 4th or 5th out of t1 and made an effort to start chipping away at the bikes ahead of me as soon as i could.

    43, hilly, minutes i was back, heading the wave by a couple of minutes. i had a great time on the bike, totally loved it. i knew my run would be lacking though as i was carrying a niggle in my left foot. first mile was agony, i could barely jog and couldn't land on my foot properly. eventually i settled on slapping it down a bit heel-first, which wasn't pretty but meant i could at least run.

    it eased a bit on the second lap and i was able to run a bit harder the last mile, finishing it in 23mins.

    overall, i did it in 1:15:35, with a later 44sec time deduction for being held at a traffic light. i was placed 13th overall, and 2nd in agegroup, which was a big shock. most importantly, my bro had an enjoyable first race and is now talking about an oly for next year. with any luck i'll be there for that one too!
Sign In or Register to comment.