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Christmas Miracle

Whilst swimming this morning i saw a miracle.

Some of you may laugh, mock even, but as they say it's the most magical time of the year.

Are you sitting comfortably?

Once upon a time there was a boy called Graeme who went for a swim at the local pool. Being not to bad a swimmer he chose to swim in the lane titled 'fast'.

However once he got in it was obvious that the lane was patroled by a mean ogre who could not read and using their breastroke kick tried to attack poor Graeme and other swimmers each length as they passed by.

Now fortunatley for Graeme and the others a miracle man dressed in gold (Well yellow tshirted pool attendent) decided to tackle the ogres and moved them to the ogre lane.

The end.....

Until next time.



  • BritspinBritspin Posts: 1,655
    It is indeed a wonderous time of year...
  • And where is the fairy tale pool?
  • GHarvGHarv Posts: 456
    The new Oaklands pool freshly opened today in York!
  • ZacniciZacnici Posts: 1,385
    That's got to be make believe if the attendant actually did anything about it - but it is the magical time of year
  • doogledoogle Posts: 58
    Thats great, I'll pass this on to the staff at Oaklands as i used to work there and still have friends working there.
  • Great story!!! I often find that swimming around them, keep tapping there ankles, swimming over them, creating a fair bit of wake does the trick!! They soon move lanes or get out. Also you get some practise for the start of a race when arms and legs are everywhere.
  • ZacniciZacnici Posts: 1,385
    Echo Doogle, we all like to have a moan but it is also nice to pass on a well done - I like to do that when someone has been really helpful and done that bit more and ask for the manager so that I can personally compliment the staff member in the presence of the manager to ensure they get the recognition.
  • shadowone1shadowone1 Posts: 1,408
    In an ideal world I'd like to believe this lifeguard was or is a triathlete.

    I have this issue at my pool with two guys. For the purpose of this story they will be called zig and zagg. Reason shall become more apparent.

    Now we all know there are lanes in pool with nice thick black lines on the bottom. I alway swim in one section of the pool, where I can swim up and down the black line and time myself accordingly.

    I normally get a chuckle at approx 8pm when zigg and zigg walk in. They are father and son, the evidence being that they look and act very much alike. They the tightest speedos with their pubes hanging out all over the place, have no other body hair except some random leg hair.

    They enter the pull by jumping and not diving and then proceed to breast stroke up and down. they will commence on one side of the pool and in a diagnol line, proceed to cut everyone up and move in random arc style motion to the other side of the pool. they annoy the feck out of me and they really piss me off when the blatantly can see than I'm doing sets or timing myself.

    What do the life guards do in my pool.... nothing.... not a diddly squat.

    Two things here - I have no issue with speedo's - but you should only wear them if you can justify them. Secondly - nothing wrong with breast stroke but swiming in a shitty fashion in the way that they do really pisses me off.

    so in the unlikey event that zigg and zagg read this.... stop swimming like the ignorant people @rses that you do
  • jacjac Posts: 452
    Either mention it to father and son or the lifeguards. If no-one's aware of the problem it's unlikely to be fixed.
  • shadowone1shadowone1 Posts: 1,408

    I either talk in a foreign language (some say scottish is a foreign language) or they are totally oblivious and ignorant....
  • jacjac Posts: 452
    Try the universal language of "F*** off out of the pool suckers!"
  • shadowone1shadowone1 Posts: 1,408

    The more diplomatic approach... liking it!!!
  • Do away completely with public swimmers by swimming with a masters club. Simples.
  • Do a few lengths of the fists drill just as they are looking like cutting you up. Oh, and swim over them too, that should upset them enough.

    Either that or mention to them that they need to learn to swim in a straight line as they are inconveniencing the whole pool. chances are that everyone else is feeling the same
  • wyno70wyno70 Posts: 189
    Head down and fists drill sounds like the order of the day.

    I have similar but it's two women that seem to always pick where I am swimming and walk side by side until they can walk no further and then attempt to swim the rest. They do this side by side and take up at least a quarter of the pool. Any swimming is done with desperate attempts not to get their hair wet.

    They piss me off so much that I now swim in between them making as much kicking and splashing as I can. If I'm heading towards them rather than in the same direction, I make sure they get a faceful.

    Maybe thats wrong but what the hell, it makes me feel better!
  • Jac- Try the universal language of "F*** off out of the pool suckers!" is that not scottish diplomacy?

    i always kick a bit harder when i go past the chatting biddies, though i'll never run them down - once their hair gets wet they get out anyway

    but the christmas miracle really warms your heart - or is that the port i'm drinking....
  • shadowone1shadowone1 Posts: 1,408
    by gingertri » 18 Dec 2009 20:53

    Jac- Try the universal language of "F*** off out of the pool suckers!" is that not scottish diplomacy?
    Erm Jac.you from scotland .... us scots seem to have a bad name.... is B.A Baracus scottish?
  • S11, maybe he is, but theres not enough swearing by him - "shut up fool, or i'll f'ing butt ya"
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