0 to Olympic in 3 months
So I was visiting my brother in Nice and saw adverts for the Ironman there and started wondering if I could run it to make money for charity. Then I realised it was in June and there was no way in hell that would happen. Then I discovered that they have a regular Olympic triathlon in October so I got to wondering again whether it was something I could do.
The reason I thought this would be a good idea is because I am entirely unsuited to triathlons because of my prior experience:
Cycling: This is my strongest part in that I have done it before. I used to cycle what google maps is telling me is 15 miles on a mountain bike when I was 15. I am now a month away from 30 and have not ridden in the interim.
Running: Last time I ran was house cross country at school. I had to run because we needed somebody to fill a space and I was a senior student in the house. I came so extremely last that everybody but the timekeeper had left by the time I finished. I think that was 2 miles at most.
Swimming: I went swimming with my family during that trip to Nice. We have a video of me attempting to swim with the aid of a pool noodle. My kicking makes me go backwards. I can just about breast stroke but it's slow and I end up drinking a lot of water.
So there we go, out of practice cyclist; terrible runner; can't swim.
The ideal progression here would be manage to do the Olympic without being disqualified in October and then maybe try the ironman the June after.
My current plan is to sign up for the gym (the closest thing i do to exercise is walking for an hour or two if I have time before or after work to skip the train. If I know I won't walk at all in a day I try skipping, of which I do 120 jumps in a row and only trip on the rope a couple of times), get on the treadmill, get on the cycling machine and get somebody to teach me to swim. Once I'm managing to do all those without dying, I'm looking at taking it outside. Before long I'll also pop to a doctor and get them to make sure I'm actually physically capable of any of this.
As for gear, I have a pair of swimming trunks, I will need goggles and a nose clip; I have invested £30 in decathlon in some underwear, t-shirts and shorts that might suffer my sweat better than my fully cotton wardrobe currently does; I need a bike and a helmet at some point.
For the running portion I'm hoping to go minimal. Being that I don't run at all, I figure I'm in the same boat learning to run barefoot as I would be learning to run shod (I'll be wearing VFFs because I already own them and am aware that both gyms and triathlons are wary of people being barefoot. Currently I walk around barefoot a lot so the feet themselves are happy to pound the ground all day without any cushion; I may regret saying that after 10K).
So the question is, how much of this is at all possible for somebody with a job? Any advice from people who know about these things would be much appreciated. Feel free to openly mock me if i'm being silly (either because my situation is so impossible or because it's so very common place and your granny can do it).
PS. Hello, I'm new here
Edit: Why did nobody tell me it was 4 months. I feel like such a fool now